Literary Truths About Narcissism
Narcissists are everywhere in the 21st century. They’ve always existed, and always have been a huge societal problem. We’ve called them egomaniacs, difficult personalities, and demanding. The ancient Greeks wrote a myth about a self-absorbed youth, Narcissus, and in so doing put a name to the syndrome. Shakespeare wrote a play about the dynamic between a narcissist and his target, “The Taming of the Shrew.” Both of these classics provide accurate representations of what it is like to be involved with a narcissist. In my opinion, we need to refocus our attention onto the target of the narcissist to understand what is happening in the 21st century.
GREEK MYTH
We are all familiar with the story of Narcissus, the youth who spent all his time gazing at his reflection in a pool of water. Less well remembered is the woman/nymph who loved him. Her name was Echo. She could only repeat the last thing she heard, and longed to have a relationship with the beautiful youth who ignored her.
When you are dealing with a narcissist, it is only about them. You are the supporting and overlooked cast in their story. You lose your voice. The only thing that is allowed is for you to parrot back to them what they want to hear. The narcissist isn’t interested in you. Like the Greek youth, the narcissist is only interested in seeing a favorable impression of himself in your words and actions. Any ripple on the surface of that reflection upsets the narcissist who has an image of himself that must be protected at all costs. Narcissus may waste his life, but he costs Echo her identity.
SHAKESPEAREAN COMEDY
In “The Taming of the Shrew,” Petruchio is very open with his pals and the audience about the way to ensure his bride, Kate, is forever obedient to him. To the amusement of the peanut gallery, Petruchio says his goal is to humiliate Kate, isolate her from friends and family, and deprive her of sleep, food, and drink until she acquiesces to whatever he says. He calls the sun the moon and then when Kate, in frustration, agrees, he mocks her. She finally realizes that her survival is dependent on going along with his changeable moods and fancies, regardless of truth. In short, he brainwashed her.
BRAINWASHING
That’s one of the most important concepts that we must understand when dealing with the narcissists in our lives, whether they are family members or governmental authority figures. By misrepresenting reality and depriving us of basic human rights, they reprogram our brains. We become convinced that our survival is dependent on playing by their changeable rules. So, in a desperate effort to survive, we often mirror back the lies and craziness.
Sadly, we don’t survive. Not really. We lose our lives like Echo who pined away leaving nothing behind put the faint echo of her voice repeating whatever it was she heard from Narcissus.
TODAY
The question we need to ask ourselves in the 21st century, is how do we retain our identity, our voice, and our grip on reality in a world that accepts narcissistic behavior as normal?