It has been said that we are all the leading characters in our own lives. That’s true, but we are all members of an ensemble cast, too. Toxic personalities are compelled to add unnecessary drama in all circumstances. They have no compunction about manufacturing stories that misrepresent reality in order to devalue everyone else. Narcissists hog the spotlight.
In the Karpman Drama Triangle, the roles of those in the drama game are victim, villain, and hero. Like a game of rock-paper-scissors, this game is endless. It cannot be won. Moreover, those roles are highly changeable, especially when dealing with a personality whose narcissistic traits are most concentrated in the realm of vulnerable narcissism.
All narcissists will assume the role of victim or martyr when it provides them with the best opportunity to manipulate their target and ‘win’ the game. However, vulnerable narcissists (aka covert or fragile) are especially committed to playing the role of beleaguered victim who needs to be rescued. Whereas the grandiose narcissist (aka classical or overt) is the life of the party, the vulnerable narcissist takes delight in pity parties. Once vulnerable narcissists capture a hero who sympathizes with their stories of beleaguered childhoods and evil ex-lovers, they change the roles by casting themselves as a martyred hero and their hero as the villain. It is dizzying. Some of the tactics include:
STONEWALLING: The silent treatment, non-responsive or belligerent replies, moving the goalpost, confusing the conversation with other matters, blame-shifting, and minimizing are some stonewalling techniques that prevent honest communication and issue resolution. All narcissists are skilled experts in stonewalling because stonewalling is the easiest way for narcissists to avoid accountability.
CONFABULATIONS: It’s one thing to deal with someone who is consciously lying, but a confabulator genuinely convinces himself that the lies he tells are truth and will defend his story in the face of incontrovertible evidence to the contrary. Akin to false memories and the misinformation effect, confabulation is not necessarily intentional, as in when a witness mistakenly identifies an innocent party as a perpetuator of a crime. On the other hand, narcissists may begin to knowingly construct lies that form the foundation of their confabulations, but they will convince themselves of their own veracity and be self-righteously unshakeable in their beliefs not because of an honest mistake, but because of their untrustworthy nature which leads to further embellishments. A corollary is when narcissists convinces themselves that the ends justify the means, or that the lie is a ‘noble lie’ for the greater good. In those cases, narcissists convince themselves that they must be proved right, even when wrong. Lies and confabulations are the basis of gaslighting.
WORD SALAD: When a narcissist becomes verbose, he pulls out all the stops with word salad. There is so much distraction and deceit in word salad, that it is impossible to respond concisely. The narcissist may also insist you be quiet and listen as he piles it on. Logical fallacy arguments are the defining feature of word salad. These fallacies include ad hominem attacks, ridicule, circular reasoning, faulty assumptions, appeals to authority, off-topic distractions, etc. Word salad is an outright attack; it is psychological abuse. Internet trolls, many of whom are paid astroturfers, are expert at tossing this salad because word salad does not involve any critical or coherent thought, just short statements.
CONCLUSION:
Drama games entangle your mind and drain your soul. You cannot win, you can’t even come to a draw. You can try to not play, but it won’t work. The healthiest thing to do is to pick up your remaining marbles and go somewhere else because the narcissist, whether in your private or professional life, will continue this game endlessly. Leave the impossible diva behind and find yourself a new group of ensemble players in order to play on a different stage where your life matters.
In other words, the best way to deal with someone committed to playing drama games is to take a stage note, ‘exit stage left.’
Your post reminds me of an essay by John Michael Greer called the Rescue Game, which really helped me understand some of the current anti-white racism taking place in western society. Interesting he wrote this years before Covid1984
https://worldnewstrust.com/american-narratives-the-rescue-game-john-michael-greer
"Wokism" and "Cancel Culture" may be modern terms for the victim-villain-hero drama game as we see it played out today, especially on the pro-vax Covid stage where "anti-vaxxer" and "vaccine skeptic" are used as epithets, i.e. hate-speech, and vaccine cards are artifacts of politically correct virtue signaling.